How to Respond to Your Family's Study Abroad Concerns

Talking to your family about study abroad doesn’t have to be (too) scary. However, discussing your desire to study abroad with family and friends can be a challenge. Just finding the right time to start this conversation is hard. Allowing time to listen to your family’s study abroad concerns and effectively answering some of their inevitable questions is even harder.

Your mom and/or dad might not be psyched about your travels… yet.

Being prepared with some basic talking points can help you tremendously. Even if you aren’t able to completely convince them right away, giving educated and sensible responses makes saying “no” much harder AND can buy you time. Remember: time is on your side in this scenario—especially if you have good lead time when you start the conversation.

Beyond planning and getting your parents involved early, there exist a number of other “best practices” for sitting down and having “the talk.” Read on to learn our best advice on how to nail your “please please pleeeease can I study abroad” conversation without resorting to full-on begging.

Questions your family is likely to have, & how to nail your response

When you’re getting ready to quelch your family’s study abroad concerns, keep these ideas and pointers in mind.

Your parents’ study abroad worries aren’t necessarily unfounded, which is why you should be prepared to address them effectively.

Question #1: Why do you want to study abroad?

Having a clear motive for your international education pursuits can quickly douse any flames of your parents’ study abroad worries.

General tips:

• Many people see study abroad as little more than a vacation. Don’t even use the word “vacation.” Even if you want to say “it’s not a vacation.”
• Be practical. There are mountains of research showcasing how study abroad gives students academic, personal, and professional advantages over students who don’t study abroad.
• Let’s emphasize this again: be practical. Yes, you will likely gain self-confidence and awareness, make new friends and connections, discover new perspectives on yourself and the world, become more culturally aware, learn bits of a new language, and have an absolutely unforgettable time. However, these things are hard to measure and may not be as convincing. Try to root your responses in practical, tangible points and sprinkle these gems throughout your responses. 
• Focus on your goals. Specifically, how will study abroad help you reach your goals? 

Possible responses:

"I want to graduate on time/faster!” Fact: study abroad will only delay your graduation if you choose to take courses you don’t need. Taking 12 credit hours on a summer study abroad program, for example, could put you on track to graduate faster. Graduation rates are actually better for students who study abroad compared with students who don’t.

"I want to learn a new language!” There is no learning substitute for being in-country and interacting with native speakers on a daily basis. Language skills are a prime example of how study abroad makes your education come alive and can lead to opportunities you never thought you’d have.

"I want a good job!” Let’s face it: the world is only getting smaller. The workforce is getting more competitive, diverse, and global by the day. Companies want adaptable, confident employees who can problem-solve, communicate across different cultures & styles, and work independently. There are oodles of data to support the idea that study abroad instills “soft skills” like these in students.

"I really want a good job!” or “I really want to go to grad school!” Who would you hire if you were a CEO? Who would you admit to your graduate program if you were an admissions official? Person A, who got a computer science degree, or Person B, who got a computer science degree and studied computer science alongside industry leaders in Tokyo? Exactly.

Relate your goals to your career path and you’re sure to win their hearts over.

"I’m not sure if you understand. I want the best job and getting the best job is hard!” The national average for undergraduates who study abroad is less than 2%! It’s not surprising then that résumés boasting a study abroad experience stand out in the crowd. Study abroad opens doors, plain and simple. 

Question #2: Isn’t study abroad expensive? 

Study abroad ain’t cheap. Have an action plan and a budget in mind when addressing your parents’ inevitable financial worries. 

[Apply for Study Abroad Scholarships! Here are 45 Accepting Apps Now]

General tips:

• Focus on value, not cost. After all, can you put a price tag on enhancing your degree, improving your soft skills, gaining global perspective, and putting yourself in a better position to land the job you want? Value may not be as measurable as cost, but it’s a familiar concept. You can’t completely avoid talking about cost, but framing the cost as a piece of the overall value can make a difference.
• Be honest and let them know you’re aware of your potential financial challenges. This shows you’re taking this process seriously and have done your research. Identifying your financial obstacles will also help you develop solutions to overcome them. Have financial figures at the ready.
• "Sticker shock” is real. In most cases, study abroad program fees replace costs you would incur if you studied on-campus. Do a little research: when you show them program fees make sure you’re able to tell them what fees are replacing the on-campus costs you would be paying anyway and that the entire program fee is not in addition to your on-campus costs.
• Many scholarship and financial aid programs will cover study abroad tuition as long as you take enough courses during your study abroad semester to maintain status as a full-time student. This is definitely something you want to confirm from the get go.

Possible responses:

"There are hundreds of scholarships out there.” This is absolutely true. While you shouldn’t assume you’re going to receive a scholarship, start searching for scholarships early and seek out any resources that may be able to help you identify scholarships that may work for you.

Get your siblings on your side if you need more support!

"I can help out by raising my own money” Get your hustle on. Baby-sit, tutor, mow yards, wash cars, sell cookies; whatever it takes. Also, people are more likely to help you out if they see you putting forth effort of your own. Community-based funding is an option too. Successful campaigns aren’t easy, but they are possible. 

"Do you know how expensive it is to live in the United States?” The cost of living in major U.S. cities is high, relative to much of the world. Go ahead, look it up. You can actually save money by living abroad.

"My financial aid package will follow me.” As I mentioned earlier, this is definitely something to confirm beforehand and something you’ll need to check on eventually anyway. Many grants, scholarships, loans, and financial aid packages will travel with you. This is another perfect example of how doing a small amount of legwork before your study abroad conversation can make a hugely positive difference in the way you’re perceived.

"Which is why, for my birthday this year, instead of matching hand-knit socks and sweaters—which I do love and wear all the time—I’d really appreciate a new suitcase or an electrical adapter that works in South America. Or some of your frequent flyer miles.” Keep it practical, remember? Luggage, electrical outlet adapters, and airline miles are a couple of solid examples of gift substitutes—there will be items you’ll need to travel. This also shows that you’re willing to sacrifice material objects in pursuit of your goals.

"I have a financial plan!” Plans are the best. As long as your plan is grounded in reality, nothing shows you’re taking this more seriously. Have a part-time job? Let them know you’re saving $100 a month to put toward your program, so you’ll have $600 by the time you depart to put toward your daily living expenses. Not only is this a mature response, but they’re likely to hear “I’ll have $600 I’ve worked hard for to put toward my program and this is $600 that won’t come out of your pocket,” and that is sweet, sweet music to the ears of parents everywhere. 

Investing in your future is something your family can smile about, no?!

Question #3: Is studying abroad safe?

Your parents’ #1 job is to keep you alive and well, so of course they’re going to want reassurance that you will be safe during your time abroad. Relieve parents’ study abroad worries when it comes to safety by utilizing the following strategies:

[More Advice on Ensuring Your Safety Abroad]

General tips:

• This might be the toughest one to answer. Acknowledging your families’ concerns as legitimate is the best way to begin. For example, “I understand that you’re worried and that you just want to make sure I’m safe.” Piece of cake.
• This question comes from the heart, which is why it’s so challenging to answer. Whoever is asking probably isn’t interested in hearing data and statistics about how safe your destination is or unsafe the U.S. actually is. Keep this is mind and don’t overthink!
• Any guesses as to what parents from countries outside of the U.S. are asking their students who want to study abroad in the U.S.? Answer: the exact same thing. Flipping the situation around adds some perspective.
• Part of your family’s fear may be from their own lack of travel experience. The location or duration of your program and/or study abroad in general is likely foreign to them too, and people tend to be nervous about experiences they’ve never had.
• Whatever program you’re on should have processes in place for handling emergency situations and mitigating any other potential safety concerns (If you don’t recognize this from the onset, you should withdraw from the program). The vast majority of people in the field of international education have significant experience abroad and are connected with organizations and people all over the world.

Possible responses:

"Yes, the program has been running for years.” An established program will have ironed out any safety concerns they may have missed the first year.

"Safety is the absolute top priority. If there is ANY risk at all, the program is canceled, no questions asked.” This policy should be universal.

Do your best to convince your parents that you’ll be ultra-safe, vigilant, and alert while abroad. Buddy systems FTW!

"The university/organization monitors U.S. State Department travel advisories and has partners overseas alerting them to any dangerous developments.” Any school or organization sending students abroad will pay attention to State Department news and is also probably in touch with overseas partners.

"Here’s the email address for my program coordinator.” Whoever is coordinating your program should be quite capable of answering basic safety questions. Utilize all the tools at your disposal.

Question #4: Won’t this delay your graduation?

Your parents are already paying for four years of college—are you SERIOUSLY asking for another year of college funding?! No wonder your parents want to stop you in your tracks. Here’s how to best explain to them that your experience abroad doesn’t have to mean a victory lap/5th year of college.

General tips:

• You’re a smart person. Let’s assume you looked at the courses being offered on the program before you committed and made sure you actually need the courses. Then, let’s circle back to one of our original pillars: be practical. Choosing a program with courses you need is about as practical as you can possibly get. Answering this question should be a breeze.
• On the chance you are knowingly delaying your graduation by studying abroad then be prepared to own it. Whatever your answers were for Question #1 will serve you well here. In addition to those answers from Question #1, there is another perspective you could incorporate into your responses as you see fit...
• Graduating faster isn’t necessarily better! Over the course of a lifetime, delaying your graduation by one semester won’t matter and studying abroad is vital if you want a holistic college experience. Leaning completely on this premise isn’t recommended, but can be effective when used to frame your Question #1 answers.
• More on how graduating faster isn’t necessarily better: Students changing their majors after studying abroad, starting research with someone they met on their program, and/or seeing their academic and professional future in a new light are all things that regularly happen as a result of studying abroad and can completely alter the path of your life. Plus, as we’ve already discussed, there is stacks of data supporting the idea that study abroad makes you a more competitive, competent job candidate, among other things. Adding on a semester could pay off handsomely in the long run.

Possible responses:

"No. I’ve double checked with my academic advisor and these are classes I need.”

If your courses will keep you on track for graduation, how can they say no?!

"Yes, I know this pushes back my graduation date one semester, but will be 100% worthwhile in the long term because (insert two to three mature, practical reasons why doing this study abroad program will propel you to new heights in your academic and professional career).”

What should you do if you still don’t have your family’s approval?

This is a tough and frustrating spot to be in. There aren’t any blanket responses to give here because each student’s financial and academic situation will be unique. Your options here depend largely on what you’ve done to prepare yourself to study abroad. If you’re in this predicament, your best path to studying abroad lies in your ability to…

Plan early! Give yourself the most leverage possible in this situation through planning. This could be purposely not taking any general elective/humanities courses your first year or two to give yourself extra academic flexibility. Or opening a savings account before your freshman year to put back money from a part-time job. Whatever your obstacles may be, addressing your needs early will be the easiest and most effective way to mitigate them.

Schedule a meeting in-person or over the phone with you, your parents, and your study abroad advisor. Sometimes hearing a professional (your study abroad advisor) confirm what you’ve been telling your parents is enough to sway their opinion.

For the record, the purpose of this section is not to persuade you to blatantly disobey your parents. The premise is simply that you should do all in your power to make saying ‘no’ to you as difficult as possible, which means planning early and putting yourself in a position to succeed. 

Family support for study abroad is clutch. Make your travel dreams a team effort rather than an independent endeavor!

To conclude

You need to hear them out. Of course, all these require action on your behalf. Articulating the value and importance of study abroad to your loved ones is only part of the process. You’ll still need to be proactive and apply for scholarships early, meet with your study abroad and academic advisors, identify your goals and barriers, research programs, etc… And just to reiterate, the sooner the better! 

Just remember—your family’s study abroad concerns are legit. Don’t write them off or admit defeat.

Failing to plan is planning to fail.

 To help you in your proactive, timely quest to making studying abroad a reality, please know that there are a ton of free study abroad resources out there. Make use of every website and advisor you can! Don’t be shy. A few meetings and emails can mean the difference between the educational experience of a lifetime and you becoming one of the approximately 98% of undergraduate students that don’t end up studying abroad.

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